


feelings

by puffcakey



Series: truth untold [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Cigarettes, F/M, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, Light Angst, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mild Sexual Content, References to Drugs, Short One Shot, rich suna rintarou, suna is high, suna rintarou smokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:13:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28630089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/puffcakey/pseuds/puffcakey
Summary: ‘The things we had?’ What did they had? Was it the sex? Was it how she would look at him with admiration? Was it how he would look at her with something she couldn’t figure out? Either way, she knows he was aware why she was trying to end it all. She was starting to fall for him- no, she already did. And it was hurting her.
Relationships: Suna Rintarou/Reader
Series: truth untold [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2098083
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27





	feelings

It was three in the morning. She didn't know (or she didn't care) what minute it was, but she realised she had been staring into an empty space for a quite some time now. No, she was not actually staring into a random space in her bedroom. She was actually staring at her phone but she didn't want to admit it. She didn't want to admit she was waiting for a reply from him, nor did she want to admit she were actually waiting for him (accurately, missing him.) No, she was too proud for her own good. Heck, (name) knew she was just lying to herself the whole time. 

Just like when it all started four months ago, when she laid her eyes on a _very_ good looking man for the first time that made her heart flutter immediately. It was not because of how he was attractive, or how he tilted his neck when he was laughing wholesomely, or how he drank the strawberry smoothie while looking at her. No. It was because of how he looked at her with curiosity every time, and how she realised he had been looking for awhile. 

Or perhaps it was something he did afterwards, when he finally stopped focusing on what his friends are trying to explain with their hands waving around, when he walked towards her with such _intensity_ in his eyes. And when he finally asked for her number, forgetting to ask her names instead and walked away while still throwing some glances. It made her wonder if his friends were teasing him by the way he elbowed their sides and his ears turned red after making another eye contact with her.

Whatever it is, (name) has been telling herself he was not interested, (even after he called every night since their encounter) and how she doesn't have any time for a simple fling. Or that she actually wants something _more_ than just a fling. No. She appreciates him too much for that. She couldn't even thanked him enough for accompanying her every night with a call that always ended with a ' _dream of me_ ', now she want to think about how she would rather have him in her arms? No- no! She couldn't be that selfish. Especially when he lives in a very different environment than her. 

Suna Rintarou is rich, and she could tell by the first look. A full top to bottom branded designer, finished with a hint of expensive Dior perfume. Everything about him screams expensive. She still remembered it clearly. It was even proven entirely by the man himself when they first face-timed each other, when she saw how big and spacious his bedroom was. Heck, it only made her feel tinier when he started to walk around his penthouse with his phone in his hands (more like it was her in his hands) and talked about how lonely he was in the extravagantly large house. 

(Name) knew she couldn't compete. Yes, she was considered rich as her parents hold two company each and gave her a very comfortable life to live, but she still couldn't dare to compare herself to the man she met in the Starbucks cafe. Suna's parents was a billionaire. They don't even live in japan as they have their own mansion in the United State of America. However, they still own a mansion smaller than the house they live in at the moment as their home whenever they got back to see their children or whenever the family would gather after a long time.

So why was she still waiting for his reply? Why couldn't she forget about the greyish-yellow eyes he have? Why won't she have the guts to finally cut things through with him instead of having to chase him around until he got bored? They have too many differences yet why is that every night past two am would he call her back just to say he missed her, even after he ignored her missed calls? She knew the answer too well. It was because they couldn't seem to let go each other. She was attached. 

Suna was a bad influence she should get away from. Especially when he smokes all kind of cigarettes and takes all kind of drugs. Some nights he would even shotgunned the toxic smoke right onto her face and would laugh whenever she frowns in disgust if she inhaled too much of the burning substance. _“It will kill you, rin,” she said, while he would just brush it off with a “I’m still here, am I not?”_

Even after he would leave her naked body in his cold sheets just to never come back. Even after she would ignore him only to come back running after just a simple " _i want you_ " from him, they knew they could never end the cat and mouse game. That was why, (name) took the chance first and sent him a simple text that she knew would make him run to her even after the glance of it. Yet why, why? Why is he not replying? Was a “ _I want to end us_." is not enough? Maybe there were no ' _us_ ' to begin with. Why else would he ignore her this way? _Why, why, why?_

It was then, her doorbell rang, indicating someone was waiting in front of her smaller penthouse than Suna, making her snap out of her anxiety. Who could be ringing at someone's door at fucking three am? Who else, she thought. She knew who would be crazy enough to be knocking at her door when everybody should be asleep. She knew and there was only one person who would do that so she basically jumped out of her messy beige sheets and run straight to the door, although she accidentally bumped herself at the edge of the table top. 

When she opened the door, it was slow. Too slow for her to wait as if the door was not flung open. There he is, the man who has been filling her head, the man who was panting as if he was running, the man with the greyish-yellow eyes and the man of her dreams. She thought she would smile when she finally saw him standing right in front of her face, but she frowned after realising his eyes were red because of the weed that overpowered the mint and musk fragrance he smelled like.

“Are you high?" she said, after god knows how long they have been staring at each other. Her voice hoarse after not speaking for the whole day as it was the holiday. It was the new year eve. _New year eve and she wanted to end things?_ Suna thought. He scoffed, bewildering her at his reaction. “Does it matter if i'm high or not?" he replied simply. His eyes then traveled to the messy state of her apartment that he can see through the door that she didn't open widely, as if he was unwelcomed here. As if he doesn't feel already at home here. 

Though he have a penthouse waiting on the other side of the city, it never really made him feel at ease. He was always on edge and that leads to him smoking any kind of drugs he can find to forget all the anxiety or the worries he have. Not until he met _her, the right one for him,_ or so he thought. 

When he first saw her, he thought she was the most beautiful woman had ever seen, and he had seen plenty of them. None could compare to her. That's why he would sneak a few glances at her whenever his friends are not looking, until he actually stopped listening to how good it felt like having sex from the back entrance. Not that he was interested. His friends are always on the wild side, never afraid to share their experience on something new, while Suna have actually experienced all of them. From mouth to ass, he had learned which one feels the best as he, too, was a very wild fox. 

But at the moment, none of that mattered to him as E/C and H/C lady was staring at him in the eyes. She was so ethereal, only if he didn't walk straight to her and asked her for her number would he thought she was not real. Only after he had walk back to his friends that he realised he forgot to ask for her name. He sighed, but content anyway as he got what he wanted. 

Just then, things escalated from just a phone call, to a video call, to them meeting and somehow to her, laying on his bed naked. He couldn't take in the information as it was too quick and flew off, leaving her alone to regret about how he should've asked if she was interested in him first. Sex with her was good- great even. It was mind-blowing and he never felt that full only by coming in a woman's tight middle. When he came back, he would only find an empty bed the next morning. Since then they would just call each other if they were needy, well if _he_ was needy and it would always end with him leaving. He didn't know why, he just couldn't bear seeing the woman he was in love with in his bed only for his dick. 

He was in love- _Suna Rintarou was in love_. Since that moment, he would only reply to her texts if she did first. He would never make the first move as it scares him to imagine the thought of her thinking he only wanted the sex, not the heart. That's why he was breaking apart when he saw the text she sent two hours ago, that's why he immediately took off to her house, almost crying at the fact that she wanted to leave him. The emotion was too much for him to handle, so he smoked the blunt he had rolled earlier in his pocket. 

Now, seeing her in his sweatshirt, mascara running down her face made him realised that he was too scared. Too scared but hurt her nonetheless. The sight broke his heart, but for some reason he couldn't express his feelings. After all, Suna Rintarou is not good at having feelings. He was numb most of the time, an effect from all the drugs he took. 

“It does." she quietly replied, lips tucked between her front teeth. That's when Suna knew she was as anxious as he is so he approached her slowly, taking a step forward to experiment if this was okay to her. It didn't go unnoticed by her as she quickly flung the door open wider and point towards her living room with her head. She wanted to avoid having any contacts with him. That was why she only sent the message through a text and not a call. She was scared she would change her mind as soon as she saw him. 

Yet here he is, standing with his hair messy, the result from messing with them earlier and his lips almost bleeding from the amount of him biting them. When both of them were standing in the middle of her house, they didn't make a single noise, as if even a cough would break their walls and they would break down right there and then. If (name) didn't know better, she would say Suna was having an internal fight with himself at how his eyebrows were almost touching.

“Why?" Suna finally looked at her in the eyes, couldn't contain himself from noticing how beautiful she looked like at the moon reflecting her skin. 

“Why what?" she asked innocently. She didn't know what he meant. Was it ' _why didn't you hug me when you see me_ ,' or ' _why do you look like a mess_ ', she truly didn't know. She hoped she could find the answer in his eyes, but making eye contact with him only made her heart beats faster so she looked away. “Why did you want to end the things we had?” he whispered. If the house was not too quiet, she would definitely missed what he said. Not that she heard him clearly anyway, she somehow just heard it. Maybe she was too sensitive at the moment, maybe she just didn't want to miss anything that slip from his mouth. **She was not sure**. 

‘ _The things we had?_ ’ What did they had? Was it the sex? Was it how she would look at him with admiration? Was it how he would look at her with something she couldn’t figure out? Either way, she knows he was aware why she was trying to end it all. _She was starting to fall for him- no, she already did. And it was hurting her_.

“You know why." What she knows for a fact was how his face dropped when she answered. _So he does know what he had done all this time_ , (name) thought. It was funny, really. Seeing the one you love realising his fault only to realise he had been ignoring them for awhile. She snickered at this thought, her legs working by themselves when she walked towards the kitchen and before she could stop herself, she was already making his favourite coffee, a mocha with extra milk. He too, followed her steps and sat on the chair, leaning his head onto the kitchen counter.

When she finished making two drinks for the both of them, they sat in silence, just enjoying the moment they had before the storm they both were certain coming. Suna kept staring at her and she did the same, only to look away when she saw his lips twitched upward. 

_He founds this funny?_

_No, he just founds her beautiful_ , his mind corrected her. 

It was as if they understand each other's thought without even saying it and they wished this could go longer than it was supposed to be. They just wanted to appreciate each other's warmness and so they didn't talk. Just two souls staring at each other until sunrise. When one of them had to leave, the other wished they stayed. But time is cruel and world is unfair. They both had to continue with their own path, having to act like they were not each other's routine and without even saying it, they knew this was the last time they would see each other. The last time yet there was no goodbye, only a hug that they wished last longer and a kiss on her forehead. 

He smiled, trying to convince it will be okay with only his face, before he whispered a soft “ _keep dreaming of me_ " and closed the door with a heavy heart. He stood there for a while until he heard her cries- painful cries and slid down the door, listening to how her breathe shortened as minutes go by. His eyes dropping a tear, that then turned into more than he can count. 

She got her heart broken for the first time because of him. Because he was too scared to make a move, to scared to feel. After all, all he was good at is having her in his dream and yet, he couldn't seem to grasp the reason why his heart was hurting so much. 

He had everything when he had her, but then again, **Suna Rintarou is not good at having feelings**.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you all enjoyed the short story i wrote at 2 am! this was not supposed to be posted but i like the idea of it so i'm sorry for the mistakes i did. also, this is my first time writing on ao3 so i have a lot more to learn!  
> love, aryna.


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